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1 ° - Find someone who looks like you
Opposites attract, but this risks getting stuck in the long term. It is better to be as alike as possible, and in any case to share the same priorities in life, the same goals in life. We need security, we want the other to take care of us and react favorably if we need help and support. So being with someone who knows your world and yearns for the same things as you is an advantage.
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2 ° - ... but accept the differences
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What you must above all not do - and yet most do - is to try to change your partner. The more people have changed, the more they have given up for their partner, the more unhappy they are. If you feel like you have to change for your partner because he or she doesn't accept you for who you are, you will be unhappy. Conversely, if you try to change your partner, you are sending him the message that you don't like him for who he is or for who he is. It is only if he is 100% sure of your love and if he feels that you understand him that he will be ready to accept things from you, that he will know that you only want to help him. All this is written in the masculine as well as the feminine, of course.
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3 ° - Take advantage of your differences
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The ideal is that you adopt the peculiarities of one another. Everyone has things to improve on, such as being more structured or more assertive. Perhaps your partner has these qualities that you want to acquire and can be an example for you and strengthen you in your qualities.
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4 ° - The Michelangelo effect: sculpt your partner
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You have to encourage each other and exploit each other's potential. Helping each other provides well-being and strengthens relationships. Michelangelo believed that the image was already in stone and that he only had to extract the excess to make it visible. So it is with your partner, to whom sometimes you have to give the necessary impetus.
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5 ° -Trust each other
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If you trust each other, you give each other a lot of credit. You feel secure in your relationship and you know your partner is there for you, even - most importantly! - when you are in a vulnerable situation. If you let your partner assume that you have a secret, you become suspicious and unreliable whether or not there is a secret. The secret in itself is of little importance. If you keep a secret, you implicitly say “I don't trust you enough” . This damages trust and will make the other person spy on you, which will not lead to any good, because even if they do not find out, if there is nothing to find out, they will continue to be suspicious.
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6 ° - Control yourself
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Show that you can control yourself and you will gain more confidence from your partner. Studies even show that people who can control themselves are less susceptible to the temptations of other potential partners. Another great way to control yourself: if your partner is a little pissed off at you and says tough things to you, respond calmly, avoid escalation.
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7 ° - Stay faithful
Most people say they would never forgive a cheating, but at the end of the day when it does, couples often stick together, for example because the other has shown genuine remorse. Or because the cheated partner is more forgiving than the other imagined. Or because he realized that leaving his partner would be even more difficult. But the trust essential to your relationship will be difficult to regain.
Confidence comes on foot and goes on horseback . When she's been betrayed in a relationship, restoring her will take a lot of work. Here, too, self-control goes a long way in showing your partner your willingness to restore confidence and that you are sure it is possible.
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8 ° - Be grateful
If you feel grateful for your relationship, if you know it is making you feel good, you need to do your best to keep it going. You will do this by taking care of your partner, maintaining your dates, avoiding arguments, etc. Your partner will also be grateful. The degree of recognition seems to announce the vagaries of the relationship, much more than, for example, satisfaction. If gratitude decreases, partners do less for each other and it hurts the relationship.
One of the most important needs is to feel understood. Make the other person feel that you are not with them despite their shortcomings, but because of them. Relationships have good days and bad days, conflict is inevitable. Accepting each other, even when you're stressed or cranky, forgiving each other and doing the right thing are signs that you care about the relationship, even in difficult times. Anything you can do to achieve this contributes to a good relationship.
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9 ° - Knowing the other well is not essential
It doesn't matter whether you know your partner well or think you know him well. People who are familiar with their partner's weaknesses don't seem happier in a relationship. Above all, people want the other to see the world like them and their partner to understand them. Thus, it becomes predictable and secure for them, and they come to terms with the feelings and experiences that the relationship gives them.
If your relationship is under pressure, for example, if you have an argument, have financial problems or with the children, you will probably find that you do not know your partner as well as you think you do. You will discover for example different conceptions of education… You will then blame yourself and you will blame your partner for not taking your opinion into account. Make sure you do regular reality checks and keep talking to each other. Not only important things, but also just for everyday things . Identify similarities and differences, dreams and expectations, and listen to each other, so you can compromise and consider solutions.
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10 ° - Admire yourself ... but not too much
If you admire each other, you will be happier. It works just like recognition. But you don't need too much admiration in one direction, because that can throw the relationship off balance. Ideally, the partners will admire each other and feel some mutual pride.
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11 ° - Decide together what you expect from sex
Sex is a form of contact, but it is the most intimate. The meaning of sex can vary from couple to couple. It can happen very well, but it can also be a source of tension. And while some people feel mostly good together in bed, others feel better outside.
Two myths: the ideal sexual relationship is the one that leads to orgasm and masturbation is a betrayal of your partner. The right sexual relationship is the one you decide together . Solo sex can help you strengthen your sexual relationships. And often your partner may be surprised and excited that you are masturbating.
In most relationships, sexual problems can arise and can be resolved very easily. Couples without sex for a long time are often on the end, and certainly if there is no consensus on this point. It often happens that one partner over time needs sex more than the other. Vary the circumstances and devote time to them. Talking about it can bring more understanding and rekindle desire.
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12 ° - Have children ... or not
Do you have to have children? Impossible to say. Children imprint on you a purpose in life and give it more importance, and if you agree on education, you will be very happy about it. But you will have more responsibilities and stress. People who want children must be aware that they will have to make sacrifices.
Well-being would increase on average by 0.71 on a scale of 1 to 7 when we have children. Parents generally feel happier, but you have to take into account negative effects like stress and fatigue. It is therefore difficult to conclude on this point. A habituation effect is possible: it gives a feeling of happiness related to the birth of children, but this feeling gradually decreases over time, just as it can happen with the romantic relationship.